Release Me from Codependence

Author's Note: I wrote the first draft of this essay in April. Then my codependence took over.  I was paralyzed by what I saw in the news and my voice fell silent. I wrote next to nothing until I began reading Ruth Ginsburg's memoir "In My Own Words". Her words inspire mine. 

 There are two books that I regularly turn to in times of trouble. One is "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" and the other, especially relevant during these trying times: "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. 

Originally written as a self-help for people and families recovering from addiction  Beattie's chapters on  defining codependence and outlining the symptoms is especially useful in identifying  dysfunctional relationships.  For instance among other things codependents are obsessed. They tend to feel anxious about problems and people, lose sleep over problems or other people's behavior, check on people, feel unable to quit talking, thinking, and worrying about other people or problems, abandon their routine because they are so upset about somebody or something. 

Constantly checking social media and news outlets feeds the obsession. Feeling helpless, hopeless and afraid all feed into the codependent obsession.

  And guess what? Based on the symptoms I am in a dysfunctional relationship with the current government of my country.  How did I get here and what can I do to break the cycle? 

The speed with which our government has  alienated the world, acted like we are the only ones who matter on the planet, that there's no room for anyone else is breath taking.  We've broken treaties, agreements, whipsawed our allies and our people.

I lie awake at night pleading that the light bulb will go on and somehow all will be well in the morning. We will once again be the envy of the world instead of the distrusted entity we are now.  Such magical thinking serves no one. 

How do I break the cycle of exhausting codependence?  I need to detach. But how can I detach from my relationship with the government? I'm an American. It's our duty to participate in the running of our country by voting, electing representatives who will do our will. I acknowledge that I made my voice heard and I accept the results of the last election. I disagree with the results but I accept them. 

First, I must face two facts.  The first fact is that our national leaders are betraying us. Every action against my country is being done by people who have sworn to uphold our Constitution but who treat it as if it is optional that the Constitution is followed as it has been followed for over 250 years.

Second, the fact is that I'm not in control.  I cannot effect change on the national level.

Finally, I must decide what I am in control of and act accordingly. 

I am in control of how I live my life. I believe this planet is the only one we've got so take care of it. I believe in not wasting my resources be it money, time or things. I believe in helping other people who come my way. 

 I am in control of my voice. How can you know someone if you don't talk to them? Find out what they think? I am blessed with the ability to write. I can write what I think and what I see. I need to stop wailing, whining and hand wringing and, in the words of Jean Luc Picard, engage. 

So I begin with this essay. More will follow.