Release Me from Codependence

Author's Note: I wrote the first draft of this essay in April. Then my codependence took over.  I was paralyzed by what I saw in the news and my voice fell silent. I wrote next to nothing until I began reading Ruth Ginsburg's memoir "In My Own Words". Her words inspire mine. 

 There are two books that I regularly turn to in times of trouble. One is "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" and the other, especially relevant during these trying times: "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. 

Originally written as a self-help for people and families recovering from addiction  Beattie's chapters on  defining codependence and outlining the symptoms is especially useful in identifying  dysfunctional relationships.  For instance among other things codependents are obsessed. They tend to feel anxious about problems and people, lose sleep over problems or other people's behavior, check on people, feel unable to quit talking, thinking, and worrying about other people or problems, abandon their routine because they are so upset about somebody or something. 

Constantly checking social media and news outlets feeds the obsession. Feeling helpless, hopeless and afraid all feed into the codependent obsession.

  And guess what? Based on the symptoms I am in a dysfunctional relationship with the current government of my country.  How did I get here and what can I do to break the cycle? 

The speed with which our government has  alienated the world, acted like we are the only ones who matter on the planet, that there's no room for anyone else is breath taking.  We've broken treaties, agreements, whipsawed our allies and our people.

I lie awake at night pleading that the light bulb will go on and somehow all will be well in the morning. We will once again be the envy of the world instead of the distrusted entity we are now.  Such magical thinking serves no one. 

How do I break the cycle of exhausting codependence?  I need to detach. But how can I detach from my relationship with the government? I'm an American. It's our duty to participate in the running of our country by voting, electing representatives who will do our will. I acknowledge that I made my voice heard and I accept the results of the last election. I disagree with the results but I accept them. 

First, I must face two facts.  The first fact is that our national leaders are betraying us. Every action against my country is being done by people who have sworn to uphold our Constitution but who treat it as if it is optional that the Constitution is followed as it has been followed for over 250 years.

Second, the fact is that I'm not in control.  I cannot effect change on the national level.

Finally, I must decide what I am in control of and act accordingly. 

I am in control of how I live my life. I believe this planet is the only one we've got so take care of it. I believe in not wasting my resources be it money, time or things. I believe in helping other people who come my way. 

 I am in control of my voice. How can you know someone if you don't talk to them? Find out what they think? I am blessed with the ability to write. I can write what I think and what I see. I need to stop wailing, whining and hand wringing and, in the words of Jean Luc Picard, engage. 

So I begin with this essay. More will follow.  

 

An Apology to My Founding Fathers

 Dear Fathers,

Where do I begin? My country is in dire straits because we elected a man who is hellbent on making our country over in his image.  He is being aided and abetted by an assortment of lackies, loonies and just plain unqualified people who seem to love money more than they love my country.  

I'm not sure why this happened although I know how it happened. We voted, one person, one vote for a man who promised to make it easier, better for us.  Being an American is hard.  According to the Constitution we are a nation of laws that all of us make through the people we elect to represent us, to do what we tell them we want. It used to be that nobody ever got everything they wanted, that's why it's called politics. But somewhere along the way it changed. Now we just want what we want, and we won't stop until we get what we want and we won't give in until we get it. We won't compromise.

Compromise has become a dirty word. Our leaders don't compromise because we don't want them to.  We told them we wanted this man who would be king. We are lazy. Our representatives reflect that. Our representatives are lazy. Congress ceded power to make decisions to this man because we told them by our votes that more of us wanted this.  

And now we have it.   Even though he told us what he was through his past actions and words, we elected him anyway.  Now that he is doing what he said he would we are shocked.  Why? We got the leader we deserve.

We became lazy about government. We ceded power to people who love money and who think the rest of us Americans are less than.  They think they are smarter than the rest of us because they have so much money. According to them, we didn't work hard enough or we are stupid enough to believe the lies we are told so we deserve to be governed by them. 

We've made a mess and have to clean it up. 

 We have broken the pact you made, the government you worked so hard to make, that is emulated by so much of the rest of the world.

Benjamin Franklin famously said, "A republic, if you can keep it," in response to a question about the type of government established by the Constitutional Convention. It is our responsibility to maintain our republic and we failed miserably. 

It appears we won't be keeping it. I am sorry.